annscreams.blogspot.com
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ann
Criselle Ann. 21. aka Ann/ Crizy/ Kirk/Tish. Registered Nurse. eclectic. ironic. a little narcissistic. dreams to be content.



adores:
weekends. graffiti. journals. guitar demons. star-dotted skies. pink clouds. notebooks. cool rainy days. fat penguins. friendly robots.

note: hey i rule around here so be nice alright? no hate messages pls. constructive comments shall be appreciated.kawaii

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10.10.2010
Eventually, I Had To Wake Up

I had been floating in a dream tonight. Everything else was unremarkable and forgettable until I saw his face. Right in the middle of all the blackness, there he was. Just his face. I’d like to think it took my breath away even while I was then asleep. It was so calm and beautiful and his hair was the way I always wanted it. He wore a faint smile that tells me everything will be alright. For a moment there was pure bliss. It felt so unbelievably real and he felt so near. I wanted so much to reach out and feel it. I felt the need to assure myself that he was there to stay, never drifting away. Even so, there was absolute peace in my heart.

But then a whiff of emptiness came over me when I realized how I’m slowly forgetting the perfect feeling that seeing his face and being so near to him gives me. That feeling now seems to be becoming increasingly distant and inaccessible. It pains me to realize that these days, the closest I could get to it is through a dream..

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9.15.2010
how on earth did that happen??
When something is beyond what the human reason could explain,
there is ultimately a greater force that has brought such to realization.

SI LORD TALAGA ANG MAY KAGAGAWAN NUN.
What I've contributed was little when compared to what He did for me.
THANK YOU FOR THE LUCKY NUMBER 13. :)

God, my Mom, my Dad and my university (Angeles University Foundation -
College of Nursing) deserve the recognition more than anyone else.
Congratulations as well to my Thony. We got through it all together.:)

GOAL OVER-MET..:)


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8.23.2010
Filipinos Under Siege
(POSTED LATE)

I was watching The Taking of Pelham 123 on HBO this afternoon, not knowing that a real live hostage drama had been taking place in Manila. At some time after the movie, I stumbled upon a local news cable channel featuring this lone tourist bus parked in a rather peculiar manner in the middle of what seemed to be a deserted highway. The camera didn’t shift to any other direction for several minutes so I thought that the TV station was merely having some technical difficulties. Later on, I learned that what had been happening inside that bus is what will give the Philippines fifteen minutes of fame and probably years of shame. The event would certainly go down in history as the famous Manila Bus Siege.

Last Saturday (August 21), Ninoy Aquino’s death anniversary was commemorated. He was the man who triggered Filipinos to act against an abusive regime and that which then led to the People Power Revolution in 1986. This revolution was the defining event that impressed upon the rest of the world that Filipinos are advocates of peace and diplomacy. This became our people’s unified identity. I grew up upholding this ideal. Despite whatever undesirable news I heard about my country, it was what made me solidly proud of my heritage.

However, sitting in front of the TV tonight, I was slapped by the realization that this idea from childhood has sadly already become radically transformed. In fact, I realized that I have already long forgotten about it and now recognize my people in a completely different way. The old identity is now hidden in an obscure location within my consciousness, eclipsed by events such as mass political killings, police brutality, relentless corruption and numerous reports of human rights violation. Indeed, our nation is under siege -- taken hostage by violence, greed and hunger for power.

One of the things I am fervently praying for is redemption for the Filipino people. This redemption is the kind that would change how the world and the Filipinos view themselves. Deep down, I still would like to believe that most of my countrymen remain to genuinely value harmony and condemn violence. I still am hoping that the true worth and numerous admirable attributes of our race be recognized. However, until concrete and commendable actions from Filipinos themselves are witnessed, redemption may be a far-fetched dream.

Should we have to wait for other Rolando Mendozas to come out? I believe there should be no room for the likes of them in our country. I hope the rest of the Filipino people agree with me.

*image by kesdee

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3.22.2010
Not quite messed up anymore
EVALUATION: GOAL MET AS EVIDENCED BY FOUR YEARS' WORTH OF TRASH
OUT OF MY ROOM AND INTO THE TRASH CAN OUTSIDE THE HOUSE.


Furthermore, after four years of staying exactly the same way, I thought it was also time for stuff in my room to get rearranged. Upon doing so, I realized the following:

1. that I have a freakishly huge bed and I never should have tried moving it all on my own coz it didn't even budge;

2. that the laptop and booming speakers should've never ever been situated atop the STUDY table. That explains my past unsuccessful attempts at sitting quietly on my study table and ACTUALLY studying there for real (instead of logging on to facebook or watching DVDs);

3. that I have TOO MUCH junk for one person; and

4. that I didn't spend 9 hours straight of cleaning up today for no reason at all. The purpose was so that I could start thinking straight. Well I don't think I've mentioned it yet but for me, a clean room equals a clear head. Yea.:)

Speaking of thinking straight, YEP I badly need that one. March is almost over. THE BIG THING COMES THIS JULY..

By the way, graduation day is four days from now but my thoughts about it haven't been completely formulated yet. I need time for it to sink in.. However, the dominant feeling right now is GRATITUDE.. tremendous gratitude to HIM and certain special people. :)

Here's a photo from our recent Pinning Ceremony.. courtesy of my friend Jan.


Ciao! I believe I shall be blogging again SOON. No, soon does not mean three months from now..:D

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12.14.2009
who wore it better?

http://annscreams.blogspot.com/

WHO WORE IT BETTER?:)

LOL. Of course the top model on the left did. No doubt about that. (That's me on the right by the way.)

Just minutes ago, I was browsing through random laptop files when I stumbled upon her photo which I grabbed from Sir Frederick Policarpio's site several months ago. If I'm not mistaken, it was from Sir Polic's Philippine Fashion Week collection. I was awed at the sight of it and somehow pictured myself then wearing it someday.

The piece was FEMININE, CONTEMPORARY, REGAL, PERFECT.

And lucky enough, just a week ago, I was privileged to have been given the chance to wear the exact same piece as I got onto the stage for my farewell walk as Ms. University. What a GLAM way to wrap up an amazing year.:)

MY NEVER-ENDING THANKS TO EVERYONE WHO BECAME PART OF THE PAST BLESSED YEAR.<3 (I notice I've said thanks a little too many times already.. and I don't think I'd ever get tired of it.:D) Ciao! I'm supposed to be reviewing for exams, not blogging. XD

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9.07.2009
sometimes, you earn the right to rant
Last Thursday, the day I've been anxiously anticipating for weeks now has finally been over. You've guessed right if you thought of THESIS DEFENSE.

The verdict? Passed with some revisions.
Coolest thing ever.:D

I will not go into details about the things I had to put up with during the whole process of doing the study because it'd be pointless by now. Now that I've finally gotten through it, I'm just glad to be able to say that I truly deserved passing because I know that I worked for what I've earned, as well as some other groupmates who stood by me.

The rest of the group have the freedom to evaluate themselves too. I'm not putting myself in the position to judge others because it wouldn't be necessary. They know themselves well and they each know how they've performed throughout this whole thing. You can play apathetic but you can't possibly lie to yourself.

So yeah. I believe I'm ranting again. But this is the very first time I've ranted about thesis stuff so give me a break.

Anyway, being just in time for stress release, Thony was again invited by Dialogo to play for them at the SMB Battle of the Bands last Saturday night. Of course, being his official groupie, I was there to watch and cheer for the band. They totally rocked with "Message in a Bottle." :D

I had fun at the event except for those times the emcee had to take over the microphone. No host could be grumpier than the guy they had that night. I think he had issues with some of the bands or something. But still. Dude, it's a "happy" event. No need to be all scroogy.

I'm really liking this four-day weekend thing. It should be made regular. LOL.:D
P.S. Hi to my friend Nico! Thanks for dropping by. You always make me laugh like mad. :)

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6.12.2008
beetles and june 12
Vintage or Modern?

With the Volkswagen New Beetle, you can have them both!
(err, that sounded a little too much like a tv commercial than I originally intended.)

The first time I laid eyes on this man-made wonder was back in high school and since then I've been in love with it. On a darker note though, NO, this post doesn't mean I'm getting the New Beetle anytime soon. But who knows?! Someday you just might catch me on a road trip flaunting one!

To describe it merely as CUTE is an understatement.

******
On to other current events..
If you're Filipino you'd probably be aware of two things about this lovely June 12:

1. That today is Independence Day. So yey. Happy Independence Day to you. But there's a more pressing issue than just the mere celebration of the day Filipinos finally broke free of the harsh Spanish colonization 110 years ago. There's still that single question which no doubt lingers every now and then on the average Filipino mind: Are we truly, GENUINELY free?!


lomograph by zoe

2. Today is also the celebrated Filipino action star Rudy Fernandez's interment. Now honestly, I was never really a fan of his, nor any other celebrity of his generation. It's probably simply because it's just not my generation. I would surely fail to give a correct answer if you would ask me to cite a single movie which he starred in (fine, call me stupid). But with all due respect, I am fully aware of his standing in showbiz royalty, the battle that he and his family had gone through, and how good a human being he is. Even if I know very little about him, I can't help but feel a little depressed upon learning of his death. He's an icon, and not just any other icon for that matter. He actually happens to be a good (in the sincerest sense of the word) example, one who is kind-hearted and humble and a lot different from the pretentious and self-absorbed stars now swarming everyday TV (at least that's what I've heard).

Lorna T. to her husband: "I love you so much. Wait for me. Until we meet again."

Now that's what you call true love.

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6.09.2008
optimism comes in waves

Behind the barbed wires is a rainbow.

Something to lift my spirits up whenever the thought of a new and more
complex semester comes to mind. A little inspiration always helps.XD

Captured just after a downpour.
05.30.08. Sa bakuran nina Thony.
Edited three days later.

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4.27.2008
that mom thing
The thing with my mom is that whenever her birthday comes she insists (or maybe more like commands) that we don't buy her presents anymore. She says we're merely wasting our money (which according to her is her money too) and that what's more important is that she gets to spend her special day with us, her family.

But in the end she gets a present from us anyway. It seems the daughters she raised got a tinge of hardheadedness.

But whatever it is, it shall not involve a Hallmark card that comes with a perfect pre-written message by some unknown author and a handwritten note from me on the other side of it. Even my deepest, most flamboyant, elaborate words would sound superficial when told to her. You see, no number of thank you's or i love you's will ever be able to compensate and convey the exact feelings I have for the woman whom I owe my being to.

Cheers to my mother. A nagger. A pushy pusher. A teacher. A role model. A best friend. A woman of strength, sense, wisdom and humor.

Happy birthday too to her twin sister Aunt Tess, a person of determination.

Maybe someday I will be able to give my mother and father the perfect present. Oh how I long for that day.

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4.26.2008
jeepney

So this is how they attack,
the pangs of uninvited solitude.
Unkind, relentless.
pressing, not leaving.

Streaks of blurry images,
they roll by happily.
Teasing, mocking me...
emphasizing the emptiness
that the next seat brings.

Strange faces hop in and go.
But your warm presence stays absent.
Where are you?
Sit beside me like you have before.

How long shall this solitary jeepney ride go?



..my exaggerated thoughts while sitting alone in a jeepney.
ann.04.26.08.

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4.11.2008
my scholarly boyfriend
I am proud to announce that my boyfriend is now officially a College Scholar too.

I'd like to think that it was me who pushed him into it, what with all the nagging that he got from me all throughout the semester about how it's time to throw away his happy-go-lucky attitude. But then thinking deeper, I think it was more the product of initiative coming from himself than pushing from a pushy girlfriend. I mean, knowing Thony, he's the guy who wouldn't work for something which never really caught his heart in the first place. He'd rather sleep or play RF.

I know that joining the scholarship bandwagon may not be the most important thing about this whole course that we got ourselves into. There could be more self-defining challenges in the future. But then, it still is a big something and if you've got the potential why not use it, right?! Sayang naman diba. Why not aim to be the best you can be? There's no harm in doing so... Only some sacrifices all throughout and sweet glory in the end.:)

I know he's got potential.. and a LOT of it. I'm glad he's really starting to utilize it.

Another advantage of the incident was that he just earned a hundred good shot points from my mom and dad. Hihihi.

BTW, joining us in our cheery mood last Tuesday were Yen and Eric. Had fun catching up and being nostalgic and all about high school. Ooh those were good times.

That day I also got a haircut which, like all other haircuts I've had in the recent past, didn't bring about any drastic change to my look. When I got home, I asked my sister (in Kapampangan of course) if "maganda ba bagong gupit ko?" and she was like "ahh nagpagupit ka?!".

Yesterday, Thony and I were at SM Pamp. coz we thought it's been a while since we visited the place together. I got a new voodoo doll and I also purchased 200 grams of the dried squid which I've been craving for for a while now. Had a wonderful date, minus the sored feet I got in the end. I knew I shouldn't have worn those heels!

Buh-bye for now. Got a meeting with Red and Arren later for the final (hopefully!) printing of the CDx.

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3.23.2008
i write
(edited)
I've been sitting here for the past hour with a blank brain. I really wanna write. But what am I to write about?!

I used to be the kid who wrote about everything. Yeah from high school intrams t-shirts which everyone makes a big fuss about... to the very first time I, all scared and anxious, shaved my legs without telling my mom... to the neighbors' dog who made it a point and a daily habit to poo in front of our house instead. The stacks of notebooks (whose covers were adorned with collages of whatever my attitude or interest is for a certain phase) hidden away in my closet told my story. The story of every era in my not-so-complicated life. The story of different personalities colliding into one. A story which is yet to end and to be completed (if I'm destined for a longer life that is, and I'm well hoping for that!).

I used to believe I was born to write. Writing, for me, has always been a refuge during angry days and a loyal pal throughout felicitous moments . If I wasn't taught how to use a pencil in elementary, I'd probably be mentally challenged by now. It's an outlet of emotions not only for me, but I'm sure for millions of others. It's a way of life. Or maybe a passion. It's innate in most human beings.

But now I'm just too busy with other things. I guess I've changed. People change. It's one truth about life that could sometimes be sad, but that which is inevitable.

But don't get me wrong. I'm relatively contented with the way things are going for me and I'm grateful for every blessing that God continuously shoves at my path. It's just that sometimes, people need to do certain things that would make them feel more like themselves. It's part of the quest for self-actualization or something else or whatever. You could ask Abraham Maslow about that.
Someday, one day, any day, I'd like to find time to write the way I used to write before. Soulful. Honest. Me. I have to. I need to. It's one of the things I'm missing these days and that which would make me feel whole again.
Ok that's a start. And that felt good.

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12.29.2007
i see red
I never really wanted to have too much red.. but I guess that's what you usually get from xpro'ed Fuji Sensia..

More photos on my new multiply site.

Christmas this year turned out pretty well except for that part when my mom and dad got into another L.Q. (lovers' quarrel) on Christmas day and we all ended up staying home instead of going to the mall to see a movie. They made up before the day ended and we all sat by the round table in our garden with that huge green umbrella, chattering away and trying to finish off the left-over foods from the Noche Buena. There's just so much food that until today our ref's still stuffed with things from the 24th!

Speaking of Noche Buena, as usual I spent mine with family and relatives. Thony also came by and brought a cake for the whole family (pagood-shot ba). Oh and I also made some buko pandan salad.. my very first time. I did it with Tin and well, it turned out pretty fine and green of course. Kudos to us I guess!

On the 28th, I spent the morning at Thony's house.. we watched movies and hoarded their pear-shaped ham. Hihi. I loved the ham. I just hope his brothers don't come home looking for it.. coz it's gone. After that (matapos pagsawaan ang bahay ni Thony), we went over to SM (para magpalamig lang).. where we met Jacel and some other Acts people. Since Jacel and I have an appointment with the other Biggies (my high school barkada's name) for the afternoon, the two of us went off to Gizzelle's house while Thony went home

Here are some proofs of me and my friends' camwhoreness. I missed them so much.. grabeng pagtawa yung ginawa namin. We had fun reminiscing the eras of our friendship.. with special attention to MY ever-changing image.. yes.. my ever-changing image which I don't ever wanna talk about but which they keep bringing up every reminiscing time.

Too bad I wasn't able to join the sleepover with my friends coz there's another slumber party going on at my own house so I had to go home at 9:30 to divide my time between the two events.. The sleepover at home was with my sister and cousins. There was so much happening around the house that night too.. what with the commotion that my sister's lovelife made that night (her boyfriend got caught doing something which he's not supposed to be doing..) and that mysterious lady which my cousin Patti reportedly saw at our bar counter downstairs.. Patti said that the "ghost" was even talking to someone on the phone (sosyal naman yung ghost na yun). Err.. I'm supposed to be scared now but since it's Christmas I won't be. C'mon ghosts don't show up during Christmas!! Or do they?! *shiver*

Ok that's all for now.. My stomach's hungry again. Ciao.

BTW, on the 23rd my family and I went around the city giving out the extra cavan of rice we had at home to some Aetas who came down from the mountains to solicit for food or a few coins from the city people. I can never fully describe in here how my heart was broken upon seeing how badly they truly need the society's attention and help to survive. I saw in them the face of Filipino Christmas.. sheer poverty.

happy birthday Jesus (naks).

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11.11.2007
a series of unfortunate events
Mood: err.. can't think of a mood right now. BTW, I'm sorry for the really long posts. I just really write a lot. I can't seem to control myself.

I would be bluffing if I told you that the reason why I have't been able to update in about a week is because I've been busy with school since second semester has finally started. In fact, what I did a lot for the whole week was sleep, sleep and sleep like a bear in hibernation.

The reason why I've been away from the PC (yeah like anybody cares that much) is that our home lost both phone and internet connection for one whole week because some rude and ruthless thief stole the telephone wires which are supposed to be connecting our home to the outside world... and he probably did steal a bunch of other neighboring houses' wires too. The guy (or guys, girl, girls.. whatever.. I've no idea) should damn well be desperate to keep his family alive to do such a brutal thing as to deprive me with internet connection in the comfort of my own home!Tama bang pagdiskitahan pati linya ng telepono?!! Anyway, the problem's fixed now so I'm back.

It's one sad truth about living in the Philippines. People could go about stealing anything from national funds to the wet clothes hung in the clothesline on your backyard. Others steal things to fight off hunger and have their children survive through another day while others do it because they're too greedy and selfish to be contented with a few luxurious mansions under their names. But hey, I need not be particular with the Philippines about stealing. It happens all over the world. Duh.

Anyway, since my post is entitled 'a series of unfortunate events', which I obviously stole from that movie entitled the same, let's move on to the other bad lucks I've had this week...

There's still no news on my budding career as a lomographer except for that tragic one which tells of my second roll of film returning only 9 out of 24 shots for a mysterious reason which to this day I still haven't figured out. I'm working on my 3rd roll now. I hope such tragedy doesn't happen again. Please cross your fingers for me.

I got an excuse slip from the very first RLE class of the semester (not a very good first impression to give your new clinical instructors). Guess why? I forgot to wear my freakin' wristwatch!... something which only an absent-minded person filled with neglect and reckless imprudence could do. I sure did have my fair share of rants from the year level coordinator for committing such a crime. Yeah, in Nursing not wearing your wristwatch is a heinous crime. Or at least in our university where everything is supposed to be exaggerated.

On the same day, I also forgot two of my newly purchased school books at the comfort room. Yeah, like, FORGOT. I only realized that I wasn't carrying them with me after an hour.! The person who found them apparently didn't think of looking for the rightful owner or surrendering them to the lost and found section as options. She probably thought she was having really good luck that day coz I never found the books again. Oh but there's REALLY nothing to fuss about, the books ONLY cost 700 pesos anyway! That's only about one huge and mouth-watering Yellow Cab pizza! Right. I so hate myself for that.

Oh and apparently, Thony hated me too for that (he was the one who spent time waiting at the looong queue to the university bookstore to buy those books for me on that very same morning)! He called me "bobo".. as in unintelligent, unsmart, pinhead, dimwit, stupid.. or whatever other word which means the same. I cried. Yeah. It was sad. Although, erm, he did have a point. But still, I got angry.. and I ended up making him cry too.! Hah, payback is sweet. lol.

Anyway, all the bad luck seem to have been warded off by my new doll.. it's a voodoo doll actually. I know voodoo dolls are made to cause their objects bad luck and other terrible and tragic things but I'm not intending on using it on anyone (unless someone makes me really angry.. hihihi.. nah just kidding.. don't be scared, I'm harmless..). This doll was hand-made for me by my good high school friend Nico. He's the one who always loved witchy stuff and I'm not sure if he has pursued his being Wiccan. As a kid, I've always wanted to be a witch. But as I grew older I figured my parents would kill me if I did become one. I've tried doing a spell with two of my friends back in high school though. Err, nothing worked. But we had fun being creepy that day.


BTW, I would like to thank those who suggested names for my new sneering devil doll mentioned on my previous post. You made me happy. : ) Thony said he looks like that Pokemon named Gengar. So I decided to name it.. well.. yeah.. GENGAR! Talk about being original.

About my new classmates, they're ok. I have new friends.. Jan and Mitch. I so looove them right now coz they've been so nice to me since day one.I'm also loving my schedule coz it's compatible with Thony's so now I won't have to wait for him for an hour and a half each day anymore like I did last semester. But I'm really missing Peachy, Joan and Rain. Ow.

I spent yesterday at Candaba with the whole family for my uncle's victory party. He won as councilor, for the third time in a row! Nagvideoke kami ng kapatid at pinsan ko. Nung una kunwari nahihiya-hiya pa, tapos maya-maya nag-aagawan na sa mic. Hehehe. Oh here's a picture from our way to Candaba. It doesn't really make any sense. I just love the blue skies and the endless green fields.

I'm also happy to announce that our Christmas tree is now standing tall and proud at the living room!

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10.21.2007
the drama on things
Mood: forever wondering

everyone just tries to put some drama even on the most superficial things. but i wouldn't do that. real life itself is far too dramatic.

but i've just been wondering... when can a person say that he loves truly? is it when he gets over his immaturity and tries to understand the other? is it when he gives up his pride to make things easier for the other? is it when he throws away self-centeredness and loves a person more than he loves himself?

can't love for others conquer self-love? if it can't, then could it be considered genuine love at all?

or maybe the real reason why people suffer so much is none other than Love. when people are loved, they tend to expect a lot more than what the person who loves them can give, even forcing them to sacrifice things for them. it's love's fault. love makes people hope. which could lead to disappointments. which lead to despair. cold tears. sorrow. melancholy. you name it.

oh but on the other hand, maybe love isn't the culprit at all. it's probably humans who create their own despair. people blame love when they get stabbed and hurt. it's the first explanation they find to answer their misery instead of reflecting on their own actions and faults. people stereotype it as blind, when in fact they are the ones who can't see beyond the cravings of their own ego.

love is indeed a much abused word.

why does everyone talk about love so much anyway? yeah, like what i'm exactly doing right now and what dozens of daily forwarded text message quotes obviously imply. people make love, like life, too overrated. what's up with love anyway?! what's the big damn deal about it?!

well, personally i know why and what. i'm actually just playing stupid. i know why i talk, think and live with it a lot. but i'm afraid my views do not apply to everyone else. no, it's not universal. whatever the answer to that is so subjective that i'm not even giving myself the right to blab one more sentence about this thing so-called love. you answer that for yourself and i'll shut up and keep further opinions to myself coz this post is getting way too cheesy.

ok, now that was dramatic. i guess i just contradicted myself again. why do i always end up contradicting myself?! i'm a huge living contradiction. oh but that's another story.

"Love is the condition in which the happiness of
another person is essential to your own." --Robert Heinlein
note: even if this post is so cliche of me, it doesn't have anything to do with all that blablah about my lovelife this time. it's just about people. though i will not disclose their exact identities, i sure do hope and pray they wake up soon.

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